If I were on the Cartesian Plane...

Ok, Barbara Walters once asked an interview subject, "If you were a tree, what type of tree would you be?" So we'll take the same random idea and apply to math! Here's a college application essay question from the University of Chicago:

The Cartesian coordinate system is a popular method of representing real numbers and is the bane of eighth graders everywhere. Since its introduction by Descartes in 1637, this means of visually characterizing mathematical values has swept the globe, earning a significant role in branches of mathematics such as algebra, geometry, and calculus. Describe yourself as a point or series of points on this axial arrangement. If you are a function, what are you? In which quadrants do you lie? Are x and y enough for you, or do you warrant some love from the z-axis? Be sure to include your domain, range, derivative, and asymptotes, should any apply. Your possibilities are positively and negatively unbounded.
Inspired by Joshua Nalven, a graduate of West Orange High School, West Orange, NJ

For some extra credit, send me your response at mathmaverick@flintridgeprep.org by Sunday, 5pm. Have a great weekend!